Bundle of Blue
by Nikki-9-Doors
Summary: Maybe that's another reason abortion was out of the question. Because there was a chance you could be having Dr. Spencer Reid's baby. But there was no way you could tell him. No way. Oneshot. JJ/Reid


_~~~ Just an idea I decided to play around with. Let me know if I forget any JJ/Reid/Baby scenes. I tried to catch the few. If someone's used this idea before, I'm sorry, I honestly didn't have any intention to plagarize. All reviews appreciated! ~~~_

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**The man who has no secrets from his wife either has no secrets - or no wife. ~ Gilbert Wells**

You don't know what to do now.

You're back home, a case just wrapped up nicely - no death, no problem. Usually this would be good. You got what you wanted; first the case, then the happy ending. Except there's something else. There's a reason you've been so touchy the past few days. And when Keri, the poor woman being stalked, admitted to you that she had had an abortion - and her boyfriend overheard...there's a reason that got to you, too.

Emily's voice breaks through your thoughts. "Keri's going to be ok," she says.

You nod, stare straight ahead, at nothing...at everything. You know Keri will be ok. But will you?

"I know," you reply.

You hope Emily goes away then but she persists with, "Ok, then what is it? 'Cause you've been a little off."

You're suprised she noticed.

But not that surprised.

You have good friends.

You consider telling her the truth but you can't. You can't even tell her half of the truth, or a version of the truth. Because first you have to tell Will.

"Really I'm just...I'm tired." It's not even that much of a lie. You are tired.

You can tell Emily doesn't believe you, but in the end she decides to humour you. She tells you to go home and get some sleep. Maybe she thinks you'll tell her in the morning, or call her once you do get home. But you won't. That's the thing with secrets. So long as you keep them to yourself, they're controlled. It's once you start telling people that you lose that control. And you can't lose the control. Not yet. Because it's more than just you at stake - it's the baby. It's the father.

You pull out the paper and look at it, and make up your mind. You pick up your phone before you can lose your nerve and press the speed dial for Will.

It rings once and you almost hang up, but then you hear the familiar drawled, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me - got a minute?" You keep things light, but you really must be emitting signals that something's up because Will asks if you're ok.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm fine," for some reason you find you need to repeat this, "We just really need to talk." you tell him.

You wait for Will to reply, but he doesn't. Maybe he thinks you're going to break it off. Long distance relationships are hard. You haven't seen Will in more than two weeks. Lately, you haven't even been feeling all that much for him. Your relationship was nice at first, but now it's more dread than glee that you feel when you hear his voice. And there's a reason for that. And that reason is Spencer Reid.

You hate the fact that you have to tell Will over the phone. Especially when you're not even sure...not even sure that it's his. _But it _could _be his,_ you reason. Only you don't think so. You're doing the math and you really don't think so.

A deep breath and then, "I'm pregnant." you announce.

Will's silent on the other end, and you wonder if he's doing the math too, but instead he asks, "You sure about this?"

You take another deep breath, and you can't believe you went through with it. You can't believe what you just did.

[XYZ]

You knew an abortion was out of the question the moment you figured it out.

You considered it for a moment. You considered it up until you went to the doctor and you were told for sure that you were pregnant. And when all of a sudden you knew that you were with child - well, you couldn't do it. Forget the fact that an abortion seemed...uh, kind of scary. And forget the fact that it's "taking away a life" because you don't really believe that; you believe a woman has a right to choose. It was just the idea that you _could_ have a baby. That a year from now you could be holding your son or daughter in your arms, never mind who the father was...well, that's what ended your contemplation of abortion.

But the father.

He is rather important.

It wasn't long after deciding you'd go through with the pregnancy that you decided you couldn't tell Reid. Even if it meant lying to everybody. Even if it meant breaking Reid's heart. In the end, it would all be for the best. Reid's young, you figure. You're young too, but you're getting to the point where most women your age are settling down. Not Reid, though. Who wants to look after a baby while they're in their twenties? There's a lot of time for looking after babies, but not while still in your twenties. You wouldn't have wanted a baby in your twenties. And you don't want to burden Reid. You know he'd accept the child, and that's the problem - you'd never want him to feel obliged. You want him to go out and live his life, and then start a family later on, when he wants to.

You and Reid never had a normal relationship. It was wonderful - but not once typical. He was so awkward and shy that it was comical, and lovable, and then he opened up and it all became so much better. The team knew to some degree, but no one ever faced it head-on. Then after he was abducted, and drugged...everything changed after that. You tried to pick up the pieces and put it back together again, but you couldn't. Reid wasn't there. And you don't even blame him. If anyone, you blame yourself. When you met Will, you were charmed. In the back of your mind, you knew you shouldn't have been, and you knew you really wanted to be with Reid, but you pretended you didn't.

Until Spencer showed up at your apartment. And you got back together again. Secretly, on the down-low, like always. You started over. It wasn't the same whirlwind romance it was before. Reid could be testy. You got easily exasperated. Sometimes, at the end of the day, talking to Will on the phone was the only way to unwind.

When you ran into him in Miami you were shocked. You hadn't been expecting that. When Will got mad at you for not telling the team about your relationship, you were blown out of the water. And you didn't visit him _every_ weekend like he said - maybe every other. You had called him a lot, though. And you understood why he was so upset. You kept sending Will mixed signals. So you fed him something about keeping your private life private, and Will said you were ashamed. You knew you'd have to decide right there between him and Spence.

The entire time working on that case, you pretended you didn't know him any more than the rest of the team knew him. You tried to hide it from Emily too when she made her remark about, "Having something nice to look at," except that you gave in and admitted he did have something going for him. Because you didn't really want to lose Will. It was just that you didn't want to lose Reid either. And you knew then that you were the most selfish woman ever.

Which is why you pushed yourself. You pushed yourself to tell Will that yes, you did want to break up. You made up reasons, reasons that sounded logical and plausible to you, but just didn't cut it for him. Which was fine. You'd have rathered he'd be angry with you than miss you.

Except then Emily told you you should go for him.

It was enough to make you rethink your decision.

It was enough to make you run after him and tell him you just didn't want to be hurt. Because it was true. You had been hurt before. Spence hurt you. He was kidnapped and on drugs, he almost died, and you know that even if he didn't want to maybe he blamed you a little bit. Maybe that's why you two started cooling off.

When Will kissed you, you hoped it would be alright.

Reid didn't seem off at all. Not on the jet back home, not when you got back home, not for a few long weeks. He was just happy-go-lucky Spencer Reid, with his statistics and his magic tricks and his habit of getting himself into life-risking situations.

Until it got too much. You just couldn't resist Spencer. You never could. Not even with Will in the picture. Not even when you _were_ flying out every weekend to visit Will, and not even when you knew you were cheating on Will, and that that was wrong.

So maybe you deserved it. Maybe you deserved to get pregnant, and to not know for one-hundred-percent who the father was. You were cheating on Will with Reid and on Reid with Will. All because your heart chose Spence but your brain knew the best choice wasn't him. Cheesy. Clichéd. But true.

Maybe that's another reason why you knew abortion was out of the question.

The thought that you might be having Dr. Spencer Reid's baby.

That was enough to make you want to keep it.

[XYZ]

You enter the hotel lobby and it's late and even if it isn't late, all you really want to do is sleep. Emily notices the paper and you become interested in that - worried maybe it's your fault the press knows, worried that maybe you did something wrong because god knows you've been so distracted lately trying to keep up with your lies that if something slipped on the job, you wouldn't be all that surprised.

"JJ," says Reid, and your heart jumps. _What if he's figured it out?_ You don't know how, or why he'd bring it up now, but it's the first thought that comes to mind.

Except that Reid nods his head behind you and his expression looks a little apprehensive. When you turn around, you know why. Will's here. And although you aren't all too sure what he's doing here, you know that Reid doesn't like it.

You manage a smile, but the second Hotch greets him and Will says, "I can't stand you working on this case. Not with what's going on." you want to slap him. It's sweet of him to be concerned, but you can take care of yourself, and you hate it when people - especially men - don't realize that. You made a decision long ago that you'd rather be alone than be dependent on someone else. But Will doesn't seem to get that.

The second the words are out of his mouth you try to signal for him to shut up. Because now questions are going to be asked.

Hotch is first: "Is there a problem?"

You can't believe you have to tell them all at once. You wanted to tell them in patches. First Spence. Then the girls. Next Hotch. Morgan, you know, would have heard from Garcia. And Rossi from Hotch.

"I'm pregnant." you announce with a smile. You can't help but smile.

Reid's face is too much to look at so you focus on Emily. She's so happy for you that your own grin grows wider. And you force what little you saw of Reid's reaction from your mind.

You hear, "I asked JJ to marry me," and you silence that voice with a sharp, _"Will."_

He tells the team that you're "working out some kinks" as you hug Spencer. It's an awkward hug. Mortifying, almost.

Then you have to chase after Hotch. You know he's happy for you, but he doesn't like not being told things. He doesn't like the idea that he could be putting someone in danger. You admire Hotch for that, and admire him even more when he let's you know that if you're doing the job, there will be no exceptions made. He's a man who understands you can take care of yourself. You've known that since day one.

You also have to battle off Will. You aren't leaving your job. He's harder to convince, but eventually you silence him with a change of subject.

You hope for the millionth time you've made the right choice.

[XYZ]

You're so pregnant you could pop any second, but you're going to work until the baby shows itself. Maybe it's because Will insisted all those months ago that you leave. Maybe it's because you want to prove to everyone, including yourself, that you can do this job even while pregnant. Maybe you just want Reid to see you like this, pregnant - with his child. Maybe that's what you really want.

Whatever the reason, you're working. California is a lovely place, but the nature of the crimes are not. Breaking into people's home and killing them while they sleep. That's what scares you the most; the home invasions. They're the ones that keep you awake at night, a flashlight at hand as if you're six years old and warding off monsters. The only difference is that these monsters are human.

When the baby kicks for the umpteenth time you give an, "Oof," and when Reid quickly looks over you explain with, "He's kicking a lot today."

Being the Spence you know and still shamefully, secretly love, he gives you a fact about babies kicking during the third trimester. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but it's enough to ask him if he's ever actually felt a baby kick. It's enough for you to reach out your hand, grab his hand, and lay it on your stomach.

The baby kicks just as you do so, and Spencer's eyebrows are drawn, his expression perplexed as he inquires, "Doesn't that freak you out?"

"No, not at all," you answer softly. His reaction just confirms everything. It makes every lie you've told and every decision you've made worth it. Because Dr. Spencer Reid may know a lot of things, and may have been through a lot of things, but he's not ready for fatherhood. And you're glad you didn't complicate his life by forcing it on him.

So you change your tone and ask, "Why? Does it freak you out?"

"Very much so," he murmurs, still looking so disturbed and bewildered that you have to laugh. Even if this man won't be raising this child, well -

You're glad it's his child.

[XYZ]

The woman.

All you can think about is that woman and the look on her face when you told her you were expecting a boy. A boy. Just like hers, who was missing. _You should have lied, _you thought to yourself right after you told her,_ Dammit, JJ, you really should have lied. You should have told her you were having a girl. Made her pain less._

You couldn't lie, though, because you're so very glad and very proud of this child, this boy - your son. He's your son.

You know your son couldn't be luckier. He's a bit premature - you worry about that even as you scream, even as you push to get him out - but when you think about how quickly the team came together for you, Hotch with his, "I'll get the car," and Emily and Garcia, the looks of pure ecstasy on their faces when Penelope figured out you were in labour...

Still, that woman.

That case, it haunts you.

Why? Why a case like that, so soon, so soon to your son being born, so soon to your first attempt at motherhood? Is it an omen? A bad one, saying your child will be...? Or a good one, saying he'll always be safe thanks to the people you know - the person _you_ are?

And Reid. All the way out in Vegas, freaking over his father, over the deep, dark family secret that you're desperate to find out for him...because you'd do whatever it took to reassure him. Just like you know he'd do for you.

You scream one last time and suddenly Will's patting your hair, kissing your cheek, drawling in his thick accent, "You did it, J_ay_-_J_ay, you did it. We have a son."

You've always adored the way Will says your name.

[XYZ]

You hold your tiny sweet child. Henry. Henry, you love that name. Henry William. There was no way your child was about to become William LaMontagne Jr. Jr. But Henry was Will's second choice, and you love the name, especially for this infant. It suits your perfect angel child just fine.

Garcia's a good one for breaking silences, and she does it now by gushing, "Will, he looks just like you."

If you weren't so exhausted by the birth, and so amazed that you have a son, you'd laugh outright.

Then again. Maybe it is Will's child. There's no way to know for sure, for sure. All this time you thought it was Spence's. Well, maybe Henry _is _LaMontagne blood. Just because there's a bigger chance he's Reid blood, just because you've always had this feeling he's a minature Spencer - that doesn't mean anything.

There's some bantering between Will and Emily, the whole team smiling down at you - well, the team members that are in Quantico, anyway - when there's a small knock on the door and that familar voice.

"Is there room for one more in here?"

"Spence hi." you smile, nod. You look at him with so much emotion, speak with so much emotion that your sentence doesn't even pause for a comma or period.

"Welcome back," Hotch says in his Hotch way, like he expects a full-on explanation within the next hour. But you don't hold that against him. After all, he's smiling, and that's not something Hotch does everyday.

Reid seems humbled. He barely acknowledges Hotch's words. He stares at your child with such a look of wonderment before remembering himself and shaking Will's hand with a, "Congratulations."

You've been going between examing Henry and examing Reid so quickly that you feel a bit dizzy from darting your eyes back and forth at such a rapid rate. So you ask Reid how it is he looks worse than you do when you've gone through fifteen hours - _Fifteen whole hours!_ You think to yourself in shock - of labour.

"Don't be ridiculous," he replies, "You look beautiful."

And you have to look away then, down at Henry, your handsome, handsome boy. You try to stop your heart from fluttering. _Why does he go and say stuff like that?_ You wonder. You think of the day you admitted to the team you were pregnant, of his face...and you think of his high IQ...and you know that if you managed to do the math, he probably did too. So you wonder - D_oes he know? Does he know it could be his?_

You shoot Will a look and he manages to get the others out of the room. You agreed on this beforehand.

Reid stays, like you hoped he would, and moves closer. There's some awkward, "You ok?" "Yeah, are you ok?" "Yeah, you sure?" "Yeah." as you flirt with the idea of telling Reid the truth. Or what you think is the truth. But no. You made the decision long ago, when you first saw those two pink lines appear. Even if your own curiosity got the better of you, the only way you could figure it out would be through a paternity test. And you'd never be able to carefully explain away _that_.

You hear yourself saying, "Will and I were talking and, um..." you look up now, right into Spence's eyes. You hope Henry gets those eyes. "We want you to be Henry's godfather." You and Will _did_ talk. He has no brothers. You have no brothers. Besides, while Spencer might not be ready to be called "dad", he's certainly ready for godfatherhood. He might have been offended, even, if the title had been bestowed on someone else.

Reid begins to babble, "I don't - I - I don't - I...um..."

"It's ok," you say. And it is ok, because you understand. Spence knows a lot of things, mostly from books, but you can't learn how to hold a baby from a book. That's one lesson you have to learn through experience. And you trust Reid. You trust Reid with your very own son. You know he won't drop him. You know he won't let him - or you - down. So you stretch out your arms with Henry in them, and Reid stretches out his, almost instinctively, to take the little bundle of blue.

"Hi," he murmurs. As he looks at Henry the emotions flit over his face so fast you can barely catch them. A tinge of confusion, jealousy, exhaustion, bewilderment. Joy. Amazement. A touch of upset that you're sharing this with Will, not him. Relief. Thrill. And a whole dose of pure, unadulterated love.

"Hello, Henry." He's getting the hang of it now. He looks like a young father. You hold in your sigh. Your deep, lovely sigh._ Oh Spence,_ you think. Oh Spence.

You tell him it's Yale you want for your son. If anything should, god forbid, keep you from encouraging your son to go to Yale, then it's up to Reid and Garcia.

"Ohhh. Yale. Yale. You wanna go to Yale, Henry? That was your godfather's safety school." Reid's grinning so hard he can barely speak. He keeps emphasizing the word _Yale_. Like he's trying to focus on something else, not on the tiny baby boy he's holding, or else he'll be in over his head. Or else he'll be drowning in his despair because he doesn't get to go home with you and Henry once you're released from the hospital.

Or maybe that's just your imagination.

"I can get you in to Cal-Tech with one phone call."

You and Spencer both laugh a little. Smile. There's a sense that one of you is going to cry, but neither of you do. Out of the corner of your eye you see Reid looking at you, but you're gazing at Henry and pretend not to notice. And your son sleeps on, unaware.

_Not just _your_ son,_ you think,_ our son._

You wonder who 'our' entails.

[XYZ]

You've made up your mind. You take Henry into the conference room. Hotch starts to make a fuss about your being there, but then Garcia enters with a bottle of warm milk and soon the team is mobbing you. It's only once their attention is fixed intently on yourself and Henry that you explain.

"I just realized with all that we do and see in this room...it never smiles. I wanted at least one good memory to hold on to."

It's the truth. You already have a lot of good memories with the team. On the jet, at the bar, in Garcia's office giggling over her wacky decorations and habits. But this room is a sad, sad, place. It's in this room that gory crime scene photos are hung. It's in this room that UnSubs are discussed and disected. You knew bringing Henry here would lighten that, somehow. Brighten this depressing space.

Your words must move Morgan because he pushes past Reid and says, "Um, JJ, um...can I?"

"Yeah, of course." you smile and hand your child over.

Emily and Garcia buzz around saying, "Hold his head up. Careful, careful," and then when Morgan insists he's got it: "No, you don't got it - you're smothering him."

"Look-look-look, what's he doing? He is _smiling_ at Derek Morgan." says Morgan with a beaming, bright smile. Yes, you knew it. You knew bringing Henry here was the perfect decision.

The team gathers around Morgan and Henry, joking and smiling, fawning over little Henry as Morgan feeds him from the bottle. You smile at them all lovingly before turning to Hotch and saying, "You're smiling."

"Gas." You laugh and he adds, "We miss you."

Your smile softens then, becomes more genuine. You look at the floor, and then you look over at the bunch of toughy FBI agents suddenly turned to mush while gathered around your son.

Spence turns around and he gives you a smile that matches your own. But your smile doesn't waver - it stays fixed on your face. You don't know what the world is going to throw at you next. You don't know if Henry will grow up to be blonde, or brunette. If he'll be skinny and tall as hell, or have a medium build, or be a genius, or a flunk-out, a cop, or whatever. Right now, you just smile at your little bundle of blue, surrounded by those who love him the hardest.

At least one good memory to hold on to. You have that now. You'll always remember Morgan's grin and the _aww_-s of the other profilers.

But you know with Henry, there'll be so many more than just one.

Whoever his father is.

**If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story. ~ Orson Welles**


End file.
